I have hated you to the point of loathing, and I have neglected you to the point of losing you for good. Your reflection is something that I avoid, and your curves are something I wish I could straighten. For so long, I have lived on the brink of tears, not loving who I am. I have hurt myself with the deep insecurities that have pierced their claws to my already fresh, unseen wounds. I am sorry for how I have treated you and for not loving you the way I want to love you. For the times I shouted at you and said you were ugly (there’s a lump in my throat), please forgive me. For the moments I found myself not going into a clothing store because I thought I wasn’t pretty enough to see my flawed reflection in the perfected mirror, or wear the beautiful clothes that, let's be honest never fit my voluptuous physique. There are no words to express how deeply sorry I am. Many times, I compared you to others and made you feel like you were nothing because your weight on the scale was flashing “so much more”! Photographs, how I have hated to take these “put yourself down” images when I would say (with false confidence), “I look great today!” Eventually talking myself out of the truth and once again believing in the lie. For eating bad, hoping to make myself feel good only to be thrust into an emotional ride for the million and one times, “I shouldn’t have eaten that!” Or “I’m never going to change!” Finding myself crying silently, longing to be rescued from this severe body-shaming how I want to love you before seeing you change. Just the way God loves the sinner before she ever repents (just like me). If I don’t love you now in your imperfection, how can I love you later in perfect health? Now for transparency, I am afraid of the power you possess over me. I have been given dominion over you with the perfect mind God gave me. Because seriously, you’re out of control, chica. You have to admit, you’ve been buried in this for two, almost three decades. A struggle where you fill your body with so much pain and self doubt never letting yourself out of this mind prison. I am here to tell you, you are not alone anymore, and freedom can be entirely yours. I’m finally ready to talk sweet girl. Dear Body, I am writing to you as your closest friend, no longer as your worst enemy.